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Title: Footsteps- A Short story by El Taco


El Taco - September 25, 2007 02:37 AM (GMT)
Movements (Part 1)

Crap.

I'm face down under a bridge. There's...blood. I got up and and checked my surroundings. Ah great. I get up and realise there's some guys arm sitting there. Looks like it was ripped off. It smells fresh, crap, have I done something? The hand is clutching a gun, I grab it, a .38 pistol. Eh, I said, it will do the trick. Suddenly something I didn't want to hear.
Sirens.
More of them. I ran.

I run for 10 minutes before my lungs and my heart catch up on me and I realise I need to sit down. I can't remember anything. All I remember is getting up this morning, and one of my mafia leaders, sending me a package to give to our Japanese friends, Taiga. I'm never allowed to open packages, but it seemed light. I drove in my car to give the package...and then it goes black and I wake up here.

A memory just flickered into my head. Bosque. That family of russians. Maybe they had set this up. Maybe, just maybe the package contained a sedative and it wasn't from a mafia leader, it was them, you can't tell in this business. Only one way to find out, hit the Jazz club.

It was 3.45 in the morning according to the clocks in the city, I think I got away from the hand ordeal, but I still need answers. It's like finding a wheel to a car but no car itself. The Jazz club was where our mafia hung out. It wasn't really a jazz club, but set up like that so the cops didn't go after us. I walked in and it was pretty deserted. Just the usual drunks. Laz, one of our asassins walked up to me. "Man, you look like sh!t." he exclaimed. "Yeah rough night" I answered back. I have no time for petty talk, I had work to do and it needed doing fast.

I turned back to Laz and realised something. His right arm was stronger than his left. His left arm looked thin and fake. I tapped Laz on the sholder and tugged his left arm. It came off. Then when I finally realised what happened I got a whack in the back of my head and everything went dark.

I woke up and I was tied to a crappy old wooden chair. Kapootz, one of our resident veterans of the business comes out. I'm in a dark room with one dangling lights. Kapootz says "YOu must be wondering, what the hell are you doing here?"
I never responded
"WEll I'll tell you anyway, you know Bosque? Well after you killed that son of a bitch his family took it out on us. Yes us and not you. We have had key players killed because of your stupid little trick you pulled back 2 weeks ago. So we've decided to take there anger onto you!"
Suddenly I get a big punch in the face. Ah doesn't really hurt.
I realise the only way I'm gonna get out is with my gun. They searched me all right but I keep my gun in my underwear, where my crotch is. Why? BEcause the maafia guys are too proud and so homophobic that they would never check another man's crotch.

I figured out a plan.

I get punched again. I wheeze "Please just kick me in the balls to stop the pain"
Kapootz (what a weird ass name huh) turns his head slightly. He's confused. I start untieing the ropes that are attached to my legs. Suddenly he kicks me in my balls, setting off my gun which shoots the light above me. Yep, that was my plan. Kapootz loks at me angrily. "You did this!" He shouts. The room goes black. There's no light. I get up, I was able to walk now. I yell "What?" and I get an answer of an angry mumble. That's all I need I head in that direction, backwards and hit him with my chair. He's out cold. I leave the room and find some old knife and cut myself free. I run when Laz sees me.

I jump in some random car, hotwire it and drive off. 25 metres back is Laz, driving after me. I turn the car, luckily on the bridge it's not that busy, the brigde wheere I started off at. I screch without Laz realising and he drives into me while I jump off the bridge, I thought I was gonna fall, so I grabbed his arm and went down, awesome I thought, he is holding a .38 I fell down and landed under the bridge with some quick thinking. I blacked out. Laz was screaming in pain, losing his right arm when I just pulled it off. Somebody saw the crash and called the ambulance. They came with sirens. More sirens.

I wake up and I don't remember anything. I'm face down under a bridge. There's...blood. I got up and and checked my surroundings. Ah great. I get up and realise there's some guys arm sitting there. Looks like it was ripped off. It smells fresh, crap, have I done something? The hand is clutching a gun, I grab it, a .38 pistol.

I ran.

Ali G - September 25, 2007 12:36 PM (GMT)
I hope you posted this for some constructive criticism. Because you're getting it.

- Grammar. Get some.
- It's fucking confusing. Flesh it out a bit, explain things better. There's bunch of clumsy lines such as "I screch without Laz realising and he drives into me while I jump off the bridge, I thought I was gonna fall, so I grabbed his arm and went down, awesome I thought, he is holding a .38 I fell down and landed under the bridge with some quick thinking."
- How the hell are you able to pull off someone's (real, it seems) arm?
- You realise that if the guy kicked the narrator in the balls, chances are that:
a) The gun wouldn't go off;
b) It'd blow off the narrator's balls, or,
c) It'd hit something else entirely.




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